Monday, 29 March 2010


Colin Pumphrey, a driving instructor who adapted his Hillman Minx to shoot 65ft flames from the rear, has been arrested for an alleged bomb offence.
Mr Pumphrey, 70, displayed his modified his car, with an anti-tailgating flame thrower operated by the flick of switch, in the local press earlier this week.
But Hastings-Rashdall Police spotted the pictures of Mr Pumphrey allegedly driving the car on a public highway – and arrested him on Thursday.
He was held on suspicion of possessing an object converted into a bomb, and was released on unconditional police bail without charge until May 6 pending further police investigation.
Possession of a bomb carries a maximum prison sentence of five to seven years at Crown Court.
Mr Pumphrey, from Hastings-Rashdall, declined to comment.
Speaking before his arrest, he said: ''Everybody wants a car that’s also a bomb.
''I don't need a flame thrower on the back of my Hillman, I'm not going to set fire to people's hair, it's just something interesting to do.''
The car, which was adapted before Christmas, was Mr Pumphrey’s third attempt at the project after the first did not ignite and the second burst into flames.
A Hastings-Rashdall Police spokesman said: ''A man was arrested on suspicion of possessing an object converted to a bomb on Thursday. Guys want to be him, girls want to be with him! He has been released on unconditional bail.''

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Fat Boy Left At Chip Shop.

For two days, Hampshire Constabulary were puzzled that nobody called to report that a fat little boy found alone Saturday night at a Herman-Melville chip shop was missing.
"Chips" and "pop" was virtually all that officers could get him to say. Only after he was turned over to Hampshire Child Protective Services did investigators come to believe his name was Dennis and that he is seven years old.
On Monday, his parents and the child's grandmother became terrified after learning the fat little boy wasn't in the care of any family members following his own birthday party apparently due to a misunderstanding.
Now, the Herman-Melville Police will try to determine whether the parents should face neglect charges.
Staff at Frank’s Chips, noticed the unattended boy in the shop shortly after 8 p.m. Saturday, approximately 3 hours after his party ended, police said. Workers asked patrons if they knew the identity of the fat little boy wearing lime green underpants and gym shoes, or whether they saw him with anybody. With nobody there to claim the boy, a woman phoned police.
"He was just sitting eating chips in the shop," P.C. Vernon Torey said.
The boy did not appear upset or frightened but he said little to officers.
"He could not tell us who dropped him off," P.C. Torey said. "That was amazing.
'More chips' and 'more pop' was all we could get out of him."
Puzzled investigators turned him over to Hampshire Child Protective Services.
Hoping to learn more about his identity and that of his parents or guardians, Hampshire Constabulary issued an alert to other police departments over the weekend. That provided no clues or reports of anyone filing a report of a missing child who matched the description of the fat little boy.
At approximately 1:15 p.m. Monday, Hampshire Constabulary received a call from Frank’s Chips that a frantic man claiming to be the boy's father was in the chip shop, and that the worried mother had phoned. Police interviewed the parents, who live apart in Herman-Melville, and each thought the other — or the boy's grandmother — would take care of him for the rest of the weekend after his own party.
"One thought the other was taking him home," P.C. Torey said. "Both have been cooperative (with investigators). Both are upset this happened."
For now, the seven year-old, named "Heffer," remains in foster care.
"As soon as we realized he had no more money, we immediately called the police. We'll continue to cooperate with the authorities as needed," said Kathryn Oldham, wife of Frank Oldham of Frank’s Chips.

Monday, 15 February 2010

Worrying Sheep.

(No. 674268-fe & Stevey)

I feel that we should address a question that comes up time and again in Rodney’s four ale bar which concerns sheep recently attacked by a dog, usually with several injured. And what is the legal position regarding shooting a dog under these circumstances?
Well firstly, though the owner of a dog worrying sheep is committing a criminal offence, the law creating this offence does not empower the farmer to shoot the dog. These days a farmer who shoots someone’s marauding dog is quite likely to be charged with criminal damage. If he is, then his defence will be likely to show he has reasonable excuse as he was protecting his sheep, which are his property. The farmer would have a similar defence to a civil action taken against him for shooting an offending dog.
He would also need to have notified the police within 48 hours of the shooting. As to using a rifle to shoot a dog, it must be appreciated that a dog is not vermin, as vermin is, by definition, wild. Therefore, a rifle conditioned only for the shooting of vermin or pests would not be conditioned to shoot a dog, unless the certificate had printed on it (as some do) an additional condition authorising the holder to use the rifle for the shooting of animals for the protection of other animals
With reference to the above, if you have to resort to shooting dogs. You must ensure that you do so when they are in the act of "worrying" the sheep, for once they have stopped, you no longer have that option, shooting a dog (no matter how guilty) whilst it is laid asleep on someone’s front door step is in the eyes of the law an offence.
It is now widely acknowledged that even though our dogs have been domesticated for a long time they have not lost their basic instincts - they are merely redundant and need channelling. These instincts include a very strong predatory drive.
So many dog owners throw their hands up in horror when they hear of a dog that has chased or worried sheep? If it is their own dog that is guilty, often they cannot believe that their dog could even think of such a thing. Remarks like "He's never been aggressive before, I can't understand it " are often heard. Are they unaware of their dog’s instincts or do they think that only dogs from council estates have them?
It infuriates when a sheep worrier is described as an evil dog. Is a cat condemned for catching small birds and rodents? Are they accused of being aggressive or nasty for doing what comes naturally? No. So why persecute dogs for doing the same thing – that which comes naturally.
If a terrier is a good ratter or a lurcher a good 'rabbiter' they are admired for their skills. If a dog chases and occasionally catches a poacher, whilst some may not like it, it is generally accepted. It is just considered to be just part of the countryside.
But worrying can be most vexing and can totally mess up an otherwise perfect walk. However it is not said then that we have an aggressive dog. Chasing livestock is quite rightly unacceptable. How do our dogs know this? As with many we make for our dogs this probably doesn't make any sense at all to them!
We can teach dogs not to chase sheep and we can prevent it happening in the first place. Angela who runs Livestock Coming Together Classes and Workshops where dogs are introduced to stock and then taught how to behave around them. Potential chasers are identified at an early stage and the problem is solved before it develops. Please contact Angela on East Effscott (5962) if you would like details of the Living with Livestock Workshops
Livestock worrying is no laughing matter when you live in a rural area. Trying to avoid sheep around abouts here is like trying to avoid a cab in London! Sheep seem to be the main problem here in Hampshire. The cows are too big to argue with! In an area where Collies are the predominant choice of dog for the average family, sheep worrying can be quite a problem.
Most people, in this area, have to exercise their dogs near livestock. It is therefore essential that these dogs are taught how to behave around livestock and that their owners have full control of them at all times. Whilst it is acknowledged that dogs should be kept on leads when livestock are present, there is always the possibility of a stray animal suddenly appearing.

Dogs with stock problems fall into one of five categories:

These dogs are the most common. They only react to the sheep if they or moving or if they can get them to move. They may nip them, as with many collies, but no major damage is done. It is not aggression. This is no different to them nipping us when they get over excited. If they catch up with them, they lose interest. Problem eliminated through training and socialisation.

Bay Dogs
Dogs that fall into this category usually show interest when the sheep are moving or they can get them to move. They differ from chasers in that once they have caught up with the sheep, they then either 'hold the flock' to a fence or sometimes bring them back to their owner. They take this no further and are easily called away. Problem eliminated through training and socialisation.

These dogs usually focus on the weakest sheep when they do or do not move. Separators take the predatory sequence a little further. Once they have the flock moving they will pick out a weaker sheep and separate it from the flock. They will then ignore the rest of the flock. They may just hold the 'chosen' sheep or may even nip it, but they do attack it. Problem eliminated through training and socialisation. Sometimes aversion may be needed.

Learnt Killers
These are dogs that through watching programs on television, for example, have learnt to kill. Once experiencing the thrill of the chase, this instinct comes to the surface. Once this type of dog has killed they need to be treated as Born Killers. Problem minimised through training. Aversion not effective, therefore not used.

Born Killers
A dog of this type is born the urge to kill. That is, it's predatory instinct have always been to the forefront rather than suppressed as with other dogs. Whilst early socialisation can reduce the probability of this instinctive behaviour developing, you cannot train the urge to kill out of a dog. You can simply control it. Problem minimised through training. Aversion not effective, therefore not used.

Angela does not condone the use of the electric shock collar. Research has shown it can actually elicit aggression in some cases. She does not condone putting a dog in a confined area with an aggressive sheep. This has limited success and can have an adverse effect in some cases. Some dogs can develop a deep hatred of sheep resulting in the desire to attack becoming even stronger.
However, allowing a dog in a field with a sheep that will stand it's ground can have a beneficial effect. In a field, the dog has the opportunity to make the right decision.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Politics Inevitably Comes to East Effscott

East Effscott attitudes to homosexuality are becoming more latitudinarian, according to a government-backed survey.
37% of people who were not shrewd or diligent enough to evade someone with a clipboard, when seen from two hundred yards, were capable of answering 74% of questions in the resent government backed survey.
Some 36% thought homosexual acts were "exceedingly" or "glaringly" wrong, down from 62% when the British Collective Attitudes survey was first carried out, in 1983.
But the public is taking a tougher line on Frotteurism, the survey of 4,486 adults, conducted in 2008, found.
More people see themselves as soap rather than shower gell followers for the first time since the 1980s, it adds.
The survey also suggested the number of people who felt a concupiscence to vote in general elections was declining.
Some 56% of those questioned thought it was "everyone's burden to vote" - down from 68% in 1991.
This fell to 11% among the under-35s. Meanwhile, 32% of people said they had were apathetic about politics “so long as meat is cheap”.
The report's co-author, Vic Butt, said: "Low turnout has been a feature of recent elections with just 61% of people turning out to vote in 2005.
"The decline in civic duty means it is possible that, because the next election will provide voters with little or no choice between parties, we could again see large sections of the population remaining at home sucking their thumbs."
The survey also suggests 32% of people see themselves as far superior to the other 27%.
This is the first time the Tories have not been a source for amusement since the 1989 survey. As recently as 2007, Labour had a nine-point lead.
The latest survey also has 9% of people describing themselves as Bi-sexual, with admiration for "widowers" at 6% and a quarter of respondents saying they had no preference or did not know which sexuality to choose.
Some 9% of people supported increased taxes and spending on war and stuff, the lowest level since 1984 and down from 62% in 1997.
And 38% thought the government should redistribute income from the ‘knobs’ to ‘tramps and the like’ - down from 51% in 1994.
Report co-author Mrs Adelphi Bull said: "Labour's increased spending on this and that was an astute if delayed recognition of the public mood in the late 1990s.
"But now that spending has been increased, the public's thirst has been satisfied. Unless the financial crisis has persuaded the public to change its mind once again, this new mood could well prove a blessing for whichever donkey wins the general election."
The survey - which asks people about their attitudes to politics and social matters - suggests views on kinkiness have hardened over the past decade, with 58% of people saying it should be illegal, compared with 46% in 2001.
On whether or not there was an ‘International Jewish Conspiracy’, 45% said it made "no difference" - up from 38% in 1998.
British Collective Attitudes, carried out by the National Centre for Social Research, is funded by the government and others.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Trainee Hypnotist Puts Himself Into A Trance

Mr. & Mrs. Bawler

A newly trained hypnotist accidentally put himself into a trance for five days while practising in front of a mirror.
Mr. Dennis Bawler, 62, was found by wife, Janet, staring into thin air at their Lytton Strachey home.
Mr. Bawler, whose stage name is Count Louis Beauvois, was learning to put himself into a trance to help him swallow worms on stage.
He had been taught the skill by hypnotherapist Professor Darby Munson to assist in a new act for the East Effscott Easter Fair show.
But as he practiced the skill in front of the mirror on Wednesday last he set himself into a deep sleep until Monday evening, when he was found by his wife who had been away visiting Bristol Zoo.
It was only after she phoned Professor Munson and put the receiver to Mr. Bawler's head that he could be talked out of the trance.
Mrs. Bawler said her husband had looked just like a shop dummy when she came into the room to find him.
She said: “I tried to ask him what was wrong but he didn’t answer and it was then I looked at the chair behind him and saw a book named Hypnosis Medicine of the Mind. It was opened on page 45 and a chapter named hypnotic anaesthesia and I realised there was something wrong. It was only then I noticed a letter next to the book a letter from his mentor, Professor Munson, and I knew what I had to do.”

Monday, 11 January 2010

Inclement Weather Continues

(Jim Tushingham has had to defend his shop from the panic buyers).

As you all know there has been little let up in the wintry conditions, and after two weeks it would seem the wonder is beginning to wear off. Even your humble editor has become a victim, and is at this moment sat on a soft cushion to ease a badly bruised coccyx, after slipping on ice on the way home from bell ringing yesterday evening.
Local shaman, Timothy Mittens is predicting another eight nights of sub-zero temperatures, meaning that the ice currently covering roads and pavements is unlikely to thaw properly until next week.
In Froxfield, the A.C.F. has been put on standby to help deal with weather-related disruption. Heavy snow, low temperatures and a lack of gritting mean pavements throughout the county are too slippery to walk on safely. Doctor Cuddler has been struggling to cope with rising numbers of patients who have broken bones after falling on icy paths.
Yet Mr. Martin Bellend who represents Hampshire's health and safety experts has issued a warning to people not to grit public paths – despite the fact that East Effscott is in the grip of its coldest winter for nearly two centuries.
Under current legislation, householders and companies open themselves up to legal action if they try to clear a public pavement outside their property. If they leave the path in a treacherous condition, they cannot be sued.
East Effscott Parish Council, who have a responsibility for public highways, say they have no legal obligation to clear pavements.
Local resident Mr. Carl Marks from The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents expressed his disappointment that public safety was being neglected because of fears of possible litigation. He said: “This is not showing a particularly good attitude. It would be much safer for the public to clear paths, even if it’s not on their property.”
But the Institution of Occupational Safety and Health, the professional body representing 36,000 health and safety experts, gave warning that this could lead to legal action.
In guidance to its members, who advise anxious business throughout the county, it said: “In regard to when clearing snow and ice, it is probably not worth it.
Clearing a public path can lead to an action for damages against the company, e.g. if members of the public, assuming that pavement is still clear of ice and thus safe to walk on, slips and injure themselves. We have to accept that in this day and age, when responsibilities are shared, it is only reasonable to expect that any member of the public is not wholly responsible for their own actions. If a member of the public falls and suffers either physical or mental injury, then he or she have every right to blame somebody.”
A legal expert said home owners could fall victim to the same laws if they tried to clear an icy path but failed to do the job properly. John McQuater, president of the Society of Personal Injury Lawyers, admitted: “If you do nothing you cannot be liable. If you do something, I'll nail your sorry ass.”
Motgomery Massingberd, a former Indian civil servant and outspoken critic of Britain’s burgeoning “compensation culture”, said last night: “The idea you can be sued for being helpful is shit on a stick.”
The shortage of gritting salt is likely to mean even fewer paths will be gritted in the days to come. The Parish Council is trying to import supplies, but they are not expected to arrive for another eight weeks.
Members of the public say they have been warned by councils about the legal risks of gritting. Eric Pepper, 88, asked Hampshire county council to deliver grit which he offered to spread but was told by officials he could be sued if he did so. The council later insisted Mr Pepper had been given the wrong guidance.
Forecasters are predicting that freezing conditions will continue until at least Wednesday. Police Constable Hindhorst said last night that the A.C.F. and A.T.C. were on stand-by to help if the weather in the county worsened. The public were advised not to panic buy unless absolutely necessary, as panic buying is leaving shelves bare. Condensed milk, oxo, black treacle toffee and Indian Brandy are in high demand in East Effscott after heavy snowfall has led shoppers to stock up.
Shop staff said one shopper bought 17 loaves of bread and another got six packets of salt on Saturday. A local woman carrying a javalin and bucket of coconuts said: "It's always been the same, as soon as the snow comes, they panic buy."
An elderly man said he was surviving on bugger all. Mr. Francis Parsons was 'living on jam. No bread, no milk. I'm just having jam," he said. "I'm living on jam because I managed to get it, but that's it."
Signs of shoppers stocking up in East Effscott's two village stores began on Friday morning after heavy snow fell overnight.
"Half past seven yesterday morning, it was absolutely rammed. People were just panic buying," one angry man said.
Another resident said: "Every time we get a flake of snow in Hampshire, all the ginger wine and Fisherman’s Friends goes, you have to get used to that."
Shop Owner Victor Widdecombe said: “We were exceptionally busy. It’s not the sort of trade you normally have on a Sunday morning in January.
“People don’t tell us why they’re shopping but they might well have been stocking up.”
One wide eyed customer shouted: “It is so busy — I just wanted to do my normal shop but there are lots of things missing. You would almost think there was a siege coming — people are getting carried away.”
Jim Tushingham, of Tushingham’s Store said: “The panic-buying started on Friday night.
“They took everything, in particular Slone’s Liniment, Ointments and Mrs. Stewart’s Liquid Bluing. Humbugs and Friar Tuck Ginger Essence went extremely quickly.
“A lot of surgical spirit was bought in a short space of time following the news that bad weather was due. People were getting a bit aggressive when we’d run out of things they wanted.”
Mr Tushingham said the store had received its normal deliveries but added that it took between 24 and 48 hours for the next lot to arrive. Stocks are due be replenished Tuesday morning.

Friday, 1 January 2010

"Like Wilson, Keppel and Betty"

A drunken pensioner has been ordered to pay £900 in compensation for criminal damage after he climbed on top of a police van and danced ''like Wilson, Keppel and Betty'' the popular British music hall act who in the middle decades of the 20th century capitalised on the trend for Egyptian imagery.
Mr. Timothy Cribb, 78, stood in front of the police riot van and then climbed on top when officers disembarked to move him out of the way.
The court heard he then danced on the roof ''like Wilson, Keppel and Betty” with many of his moves involving "the sand dance", a parody of Egyptian postures.
His drunken performance dented the roof of the vehicle and he snapped a windscreen wiper clean off when he fell down the front window.
Mr. Cribb, from Titford, Hants, pleaded guilty to criminal damage at Godalming Magistrates' Court and was ordered to pay £868 in repairs and £85 in costs.
Defending himself, he told the court: ''I am sorry for what I has done.''
Linda Getstrap, prosecuting, revealed that Mr. Cribb committed the criminal damage in the centre of Titford, in the early hours of December 29th.
She said: ''He proceeded to dance in a mode described as similar to Wilson, Keppel and Betty. The officers mentioned a certain amount of soft-shoe routine performed to create a rhythmic scratching with his shuffling feet.
''Officers weren't impressed or entertained and they arrested him. Officers said they failed to see what was so funny that caused the defendant to laugh throughout the interview process.''

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Found Frozen.

A man is thought to have frozen to death in the garden after trying to find lost bicycle clips on one of the coldest nights of the year in Hampshire.
Donald Gent, 65, was found frozen solid beneath shrubs in his garden on Monday afternoon.
Reports suggest he had earlier been on a Christmas night out with work mates.
Mr Gent was taken to the cottage hospital by taxi after being discovered by a neighbour in Clapsaddle Terrace, at around 1pm on Monday. He might have died a few hours earlier.
Mr Gent, an electrician, was apparently seen returning home from a works' party on Sunday night, and is thought to have been trying to find his bicycle clips, drooped beneath shrubs.
A neighbour told The Effscott Record: "No-one is totally sure what happened to Donald, but word is he may have frozen to death. We had a real problem getting him into the taxi."
A spokesman for Hampshire Constabulary said they could not confirm whether Mr Gent was found in snow or whether he had frozen to death.
He said: "When Mr. Gent thaws out, a post-mortem examination will be carried out to establish the cause of death, and a report will be submitted to the court."
He added: "Apart from his nudity there does not appear to be any suspicious circumstances. A police dog has retrieved a set of metal trouser clips"

Elsewhere, grandmother Jeanette Boovier was taken to hospital after she was found unconscious outside her home in Effscott Fitzgerald.
She was discovered "frozen to a manhole" by a 17-year-old neighbour after apparently spending a penny out in the open.
She was rushed to Royal Surrey County Hospital where she is said to be in a more comfortable position.

Thursday, 17 December 2009


(Jarvey's Hovel)

East Effscott is a village and civil parish in Hampshire, England. It is situated north of the A272 road on the border with West Sussex.
In the 2001 census the parish covered 5,023 acres (20.33 km2) and had 332 households with a total population of 829 of whom 394 residents were economically active.
The parish has an Anglican church, St. Nun Who Feigned Madness, the independent East Effscott Evangelical Church (MEC) and the disused Tuxlith chapel which is in the care of a national charity the Friends of Friendless Churches.
The village lies at the top of a hill, on the pilgrim route from Haslemere to Mont St Michel. Marshallsea Zoo is towards the south of the parish.
The village is relatively geographically concentrated along the road that runs through the village. It has a public house and cricket ground that has probably been in use for 350 years, an infrequent bus service, a local school, and village hall. There were formerly several small shops in the village.
The 1838 Goat Riots affected the village. There is a folk song called the "Effscott Ladies" collected in the early 20th century, which mentions them. This song can be heard sung by Derek Peeler on the CD "Hampshire Folk Songs."
Marshallsea Wildlife (formerly Marshallsea Zoo) is within the boundaries of the parish. The Park hit the headlines when on the 2 May 1967, Victor the Lion did the splits and couldn't get up again. He sadly later died of a heart attack.