Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Fat Boy Left At Chip Shop.

For two days, Hampshire Constabulary were puzzled that nobody called to report that a fat little boy found alone Saturday night at a Herman-Melville chip shop was missing.
"Chips" and "pop" was virtually all that officers could get him to say. Only after he was turned over to Hampshire Child Protective Services did investigators come to believe his name was Dennis and that he is seven years old.
On Monday, his parents and the child's grandmother became terrified after learning the fat little boy wasn't in the care of any family members following his own birthday party apparently due to a misunderstanding.
Now, the Herman-Melville Police will try to determine whether the parents should face neglect charges.
Staff at Frank’s Chips, noticed the unattended boy in the shop shortly after 8 p.m. Saturday, approximately 3 hours after his party ended, police said. Workers asked patrons if they knew the identity of the fat little boy wearing lime green underpants and gym shoes, or whether they saw him with anybody. With nobody there to claim the boy, a woman phoned police.
"He was just sitting eating chips in the shop," P.C. Vernon Torey said.
The boy did not appear upset or frightened but he said little to officers.
"He could not tell us who dropped him off," P.C. Torey said. "That was amazing.
'More chips' and 'more pop' was all we could get out of him."
Puzzled investigators turned him over to Hampshire Child Protective Services.
Hoping to learn more about his identity and that of his parents or guardians, Hampshire Constabulary issued an alert to other police departments over the weekend. That provided no clues or reports of anyone filing a report of a missing child who matched the description of the fat little boy.
At approximately 1:15 p.m. Monday, Hampshire Constabulary received a call from Frank’s Chips that a frantic man claiming to be the boy's father was in the chip shop, and that the worried mother had phoned. Police interviewed the parents, who live apart in Herman-Melville, and each thought the other — or the boy's grandmother — would take care of him for the rest of the weekend after his own party.
"One thought the other was taking him home," P.C. Torey said. "Both have been cooperative (with investigators). Both are upset this happened."
For now, the seven year-old, named "Heffer," remains in foster care.
"As soon as we realized he had no more money, we immediately called the police. We'll continue to cooperate with the authorities as needed," said Kathryn Oldham, wife of Frank Oldham of Frank’s Chips.


Doris Webley-Bullock said...

Dear Mr Fuller,

This seems to be an old story, culled from the Northern Territories of Hull, and depicted a certain Prescott family.

Pies were included as well, but were kept out of the final copy after complaints by the Butchery Correspondent of the Hull and Awful-Place Gaxette

I'll say no more.

I'm sorry that Hampshire Constabu;ary have got involved, they must have their work cut out with the goings-on in The Rectory, and the case of the Internet Sales fiasco.

I'll say no more.

Yours sincerely,

Doris Webley-Bullock

T. P. Fuller said...

Doris so good to hear from you. I hope your pipes have finally unblocked after the winter freeze up.
Sad story about the fat little boy isn't it.

Estes Kafauver said...

I believe I may well have seen the fat little boy as was on his way to Frank's Chips.
Sadly, I now realise my error as - due to a trick of perspective, has anyone else noticed the way that water seems to run uphill on Broadway in Herman-Melville - I mistakenly thought that I was looking at a sailor some way off.

It was his 'bosun's roll'.

I now see that it was, in fact, the fat little boy on his way to the hole in the wall to get more pennies to buy 'chips' and 'pop'. Obviously, the fact that he was wearing nought but lime green underpants and deck shoes should haver alerted me, but I thought the ceck shoes suggested that he was part of the Mediterranean Fleet in tropical mufti back home on leave. Perhaps to see his aging mother or attend to some pressing family matter.
I must make an appointment to see Dr. Cuddler to get my eyes massaged.

Dr. Edward Mayhap Cuddler (Dr. Opt) said...

Kefauver, you are a bloody fool.
Come and see me Monday, AM.

Esquith Blimley-Lobis said...

My chip allergy has blighted my entire life, and perhaps the Doctor could assist?

I too have some trousers not dissimilar to those occasionally worn by Prince Charles on visits to his many factories.

There must be a connection.

Dr. Edward Mayhap Cuddler (Sav.Rw) said...

Despite not being registered with my surgery I will be delighted to assist you, Esquith. Cnsider it part of my Hippocratic Oath and that.
What size waist do you take in your Royally styled trousers? Does this match the waist size of your corporeal frame? In my experience I have found that a negative disparity between the two figures (with the greater value falling on the body size) can cause many Problems. Of course, it may be solvable by the simple expedient of punching a new hole in your belt leather - giving you the benefit of a new found freedom where a person requires it most and appreciates it best.
I may need to take your inside leg measurement but be assured that I will warm the brass tip of my drapers tape first.

Esquith Blimley-Lobis said...

Dear Mayhap,

Of course I'd relish your opinion!

The confusion about dressing to the left, then the right, then the left again has left inumerable scars on my internal leg areas, as well as many an awkward moment with a favoured Aunt, who was intent on telling me what happens at Public school when Matron closes the door!

The Aunt eventually became the Matron, and lived a happy life within a small room, papered with old knitting patterns culled from Woman's Weekly.

I was never tha same again, if you see what I mean.


Dr. Edward Mayhap Cuddler (Dip. Eng (Stockport)) said...


as for 'dressing' alignment I generally follow the opinion, given over to me by a chalkman in Timothy Everest's establishment, that the simplest means of establishing your own precedent is to use a dentists mirror (or failing that a similar one as used by the bomb squad to check underneath the cars of Government Ministers for IEDs) and have a quick gander to see which of your plums hangs lower.
Statistically, it is more likely to be the leftenmost plum.
I hold (very firmly) that one (and by one, I mean we) should then arrange the Member Virile to the opposing side, it's all a question of balance you see?

Ying and Yang if you will.

I once had an aunt as well. I remember her fondly.

nursemyra said...

Who paid the the little boy's chips?