Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Politics Inevitably Comes to East Effscott

East Effscott attitudes to homosexuality are becoming more latitudinarian, according to a government-backed survey.
37% of people who were not shrewd or diligent enough to evade someone with a clipboard, when seen from two hundred yards, were capable of answering 74% of questions in the resent government backed survey.
Some 36% thought homosexual acts were "exceedingly" or "glaringly" wrong, down from 62% when the British Collective Attitudes survey was first carried out, in 1983.
But the public is taking a tougher line on Frotteurism, the survey of 4,486 adults, conducted in 2008, found.
More people see themselves as soap rather than shower gell followers for the first time since the 1980s, it adds.
The survey also suggested the number of people who felt a concupiscence to vote in general elections was declining.
Some 56% of those questioned thought it was "everyone's burden to vote" - down from 68% in 1991.
This fell to 11% among the under-35s. Meanwhile, 32% of people said they had were apathetic about politics “so long as meat is cheap”.
The report's co-author, Vic Butt, said: "Low turnout has been a feature of recent elections with just 61% of people turning out to vote in 2005.
"The decline in civic duty means it is possible that, because the next election will provide voters with little or no choice between parties, we could again see large sections of the population remaining at home sucking their thumbs."
The survey also suggests 32% of people see themselves as far superior to the other 27%.
This is the first time the Tories have not been a source for amusement since the 1989 survey. As recently as 2007, Labour had a nine-point lead.
The latest survey also has 9% of people describing themselves as Bi-sexual, with admiration for "widowers" at 6% and a quarter of respondents saying they had no preference or did not know which sexuality to choose.
Some 9% of people supported increased taxes and spending on war and stuff, the lowest level since 1984 and down from 62% in 1997.
And 38% thought the government should redistribute income from the ‘knobs’ to ‘tramps and the like’ - down from 51% in 1994.
Report co-author Mrs Adelphi Bull said: "Labour's increased spending on this and that was an astute if delayed recognition of the public mood in the late 1990s.
"But now that spending has been increased, the public's thirst has been satisfied. Unless the financial crisis has persuaded the public to change its mind once again, this new mood could well prove a blessing for whichever donkey wins the general election."
The survey - which asks people about their attitudes to politics and social matters - suggests views on kinkiness have hardened over the past decade, with 58% of people saying it should be illegal, compared with 46% in 2001.
On whether or not there was an ‘International Jewish Conspiracy’, 45% said it made "no difference" - up from 38% in 1998.
British Collective Attitudes, carried out by the National Centre for Social Research, is funded by the government and others.


Bill Quango MP said...

"37% of people who were not shrewd or diligent enough to evade someone with a clipboard.."

Captivating turn of phrase on this blog. I must come back again.

Scrobs... said...

The dotted lines of the intermediate years between 1985 and 1990. and 1990 and 1995, sadly reminded me of this funeral eulogy...

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

I must be feeling a bit mortal today...

T. P. Fuller said...

Scrobs, have you been drinking gin and milk again?

Mr. Quango, very good of you to drop by. How good to see one of the old schoolers in a billycock.

Rev. Thurmond Babbs said...

We live in thankfully enlightened times and while all right minded people will afford equal opportunities to the homosexually minded as to the heterosexers I still hold that bisexuals are plainly 'greedy'.

T. P. Fuller said...

Then there are the omnisexual Thurmond. I have read of a fellow whose sex crime was written up in the Nether Examiner; he was caught making love to a postman's trouser pocket: said trouser having been left on a clothes line to dry.

Elias Sagtrouser supplier of building requisites... said...

"said trouser"

I have been hung out to dry on many occasions, but never experienced such an act!

Heskett Bellé-Sauvage said...

Time and again this story comes up to haunt an otherwise blameless life. My actions were also grievously misunderstood, as I was merely trying on what I took to be a discarded item of apparel by moonlight.

DR. Edward Maharishi-Cuddler (Dr.) said...

Omnisexuality is a rare result of the deliciouscommunion between the head and scrotal shacras. I have experienced this perfect sensation only once, while trying to impress Jingle Belle-Sauvage with my ability to hold my own breath for extended periods of time.

When I 'came to' I realised that I had unwittingly consumated a relationship with one of my own leather gloves.

Ruined it.

Tonto Goldberg said...

How and Howdy to P T Fuller and all.

When the weather breaks I reckon I'll be moving the old wigwam out of the back of Mr Fitzallan's carpark and hitting the road again. He's not been around, what with his jaw and all, so I've been guarding his bar and cellar. I'd like to be gone before he gets back, particularly as I've been instructing his lovely daughter Shania in the wise ways of the Noo Joisey Souix and I understand he might have something to say about that. Or he would, if his jaws were not still wired together.

My editor says there is a gap in the market for a travel guide to the sites of minor miracles and so I'll be visiting the drinking fountain which actually works and hasn't had the brass cup on a chain stolen from it, or the mysterious classic red phone box which dialled for the firemen to come and save the pub every Thursay night for five years, thereby preventing it from going broke. It was a miracle, I tell ya.

If you know of any Miracles in East Effscott, you be sure tell me now, as I'd rightly appreciate it.

Dr. Edward Mayhap Cuddler (Md Phil.) said...

It's a miracle you've made out of the cellar, Tonto, what with that potent combination of Brandy, Shania and the unweildy pink pills I sold you. What that they may, technically, be out of date. I'm sure they still proved efficacious.


Malcolm Wickes said...

Might I suggest that yoau all take this opportunity to visit the bbc news website where you might be interested to read of the amount of our own money that our Parliamentary representative (not that we see much of him round these parts - other than the report of his trade delegation junket to Taiwan in The Lytton Strachey Daily Intelligencer), Mr. Lucien Modo.

Malcolm Wickes said...

Strange that my internet coonection should be interrupted at just this moment...

The amount that the cur Modo has been forced to repay. £4,099.77.

Seventy Seven Pence?

Fifteen Shillings tuppence if you aske me.

Modo said...

Wickes I would remind you of the libel and slander laws...
By the way the under gardener tells me that he saw you at the Sackville West services buying flowers at the petrol booth. Have you been advertising for love again? I'll ask him to take that old suit off the scarecrow if you have a hot date lined up.

Malcolm Wickes said...


you know full well that the Thomas Pink shirt on the scarecrow was custom built to your requirements.

Why did you decide to scrimp on that last 23 new pence to get the full £4,100 on expenses? Was the corner shop out of Smarties?